PTB Writing Challenge 2013
by justareaderfan
Summary: By the end of 2013, this will be filled with 52 oneshots on different characters and pairings based on prompts given by Project Team Beta
1. Chapter 1

**AN: Okay, so first off I just want to make it clear that, sadly, don't own Twilight. With that out of the way we can begin. Thank you for joining me on this little adventure and thank you ****lost in a musical daydream and Erica (Writting2StayHalfSane) from PTB for beta-ing this chapter.**

Challenge Number/Title: #1 – Rocky Horizon  
Date Posted: 17 January 2013

Fandom: Twilight  
Rating: T  
Genre: AH  
Content Descriptors: Angst  
Character Pairing: Bella/Edward

The sound of screams echoed through my head as the plane picked up speed on its downward spiral. Passengers clung desperately to their seats – some with more luck than others – as bodies were flung against the walls of the plane.

With sweaty hands, I clutched my seatbelt, praying that this torment would be over soon. Praying that I would make it off the plane alive.

I shut my eyes, squeezing them so hard that my head ached. The cries and screams doubled in volume.

I felt the crash before I heard it, the crunching sound of metal meeting earth reverberating in my ears. And then it was quiet.

Suddenly so quiet that I didn't dare to move, to breathe.

Slowly I opened my eyes, feeling the pressure in my head start to lessen and stared at the carnage around me. I blinked a few times to clear my vision. My eyes widened as I took in the sea of red surrounding me, completely staining the navy blue seat cushions and carpet used by the airline.

From my seat, I scanned the plane for any survivors as I clung to my seatbelt with shaking hands. Seeing none, I took a deep, uncertain breath to calm my nerves. The sudden smell of iron and salt assaulted my senses and the intense dizziness was the last thing I felt before everything went dark.

-o0o-

"Miss?"

"Miss? Are you alright?"

I groaned as someone shook my shoulder lightly, already missing the soothing voice that had been calling me.

"Miss? Oh, thank God," the voice said as my eyelids fluttered.

I squeezed them tight before opening them. From my position I could hear the roar of the ocean, the joyful lilt of the birds. My hand lifted to shield my eyes from the glaring sun and the stranger grabbed my arm to help me sit up.

"What happened?" I cleared my throat, stunned at the rawness of my voice.

The stranger, a man – a very attractive man – looked at me sympathetically, keeping his hand on my arm.

"Uhm…The plane lost control," he said, "and crashed on this island."

"Oh…Where's everyone else?" I swung my head around, annoyed at the sudden spell of dizziness. "Where are we?"

"I…we're the only ones who made it," he said, raking his hand through his thick, copper coloured hair. "I brought you out here after you passed out. I was sitting behind you when the plane…I was so relieved when you opened your eyes…So terrified when you closed them again…"

I gaped at the man as he continued babbling, trying to place his face, knowing I would never forget a face like his.

He stopped when he realised I was staring at him. Blushing, he smiled at me, his mouth pulling slightly higher on the one side and his emerald eyes sparkling.

"I'm sorry; I'm babbling," he said and held out his hand. "I'm Edward."

I took his hand and gave it a firm shake.

"Bella."

"Bella," he repeated.

Edward seemed to realise that he was still holding my hand and dropped it with a shy smile. I smiled back and dragged my hand through the tangles in my brown hair, pulling chunks of dried blood with it. Grimacing, I shook the dried blood off my hands before wiping them on my jeans and lifting my head to find Edward staring at me.

"You have very beautiful eyes," he said as he stared into them. "Like melted chocolate."

He shook his head as if to get out of a daze as I blushed. Edward smiled and stood up, holding out his hand. I took it as he pulled me up and held me against him.

"I radioed for help," he said as we started walking. "They said we should get to the highest point of the island, since they can't pinpoint our exact coordinates. I already scouted the area and found the perfect spot."

"Were you a boy scout?" I asked teasingly.

Edward chuckled as we continued our trek up the mountain.

"No, but my brother was," he said. "It's just a little further."

I huffed and stumbled over a rock, heat flooding my cheeks as Edward's strong arms wrapped around me. Not saying anything, he helped me up the rest of the mountain.

Edward sat on the rocky ledge and motioned for me to join him. I sat down next to him and looked out at the sea gently swaying below us without even the hint of a wave.

"Wow," I whispered in awe as I stared at the horizon from our rocky vantage point. "It's so beautiful."

"Yeah, it is." Edward sighed and flung his arm around my shoulders.

I lay my head on his shoulder as we continued to stare at the water.

"You know," Edward said after a while, "if it didn't start out so terrible, this wouldn't be half bad."

I sighed and sat up, tugging a piece of hair behind my ear.

"Yeah, I'm still waiting for the shock to set in."

I glanced back and saw the battered remains of the plane we had been on. Thinking back to the people still inside, I let out a broken sob, and Edward tightened his arm around me.

As my shoulders shook, he pulled me closer and rested my head on his chest as he stroked my hair. I was staring at the sea, willing its gentle sway to calm me down, when the flat surface was broken and the sound of propellers filled the air.

After one last sniffle, I let Edward help me up, and we waved at the helicopter. In a blur we were both settled on the helicopter, wrapped in blankets with bottles of water in our hands.

Edward shifted until he was pressed firmly against my side. He leaned over and brushed a strand of hair behind my ear before whispering, "When this is all over, do you think I could take you to dinner?"

I turned to him with a small smile.

"I would love that."


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: A big thank you to the ladies at PTB for beta-ing this**

Challenge Number/Title: 2 – The Empty Glass  
Date Posted: 31 January 2013

Fandom: Twilight  
Rating: T  
Genre: AH  
Content Descriptors: Drama  
Character Pairing: Bella/Edward

It stood silently on the table, mocking me with its emptiness.

It was so easy, felt so right. I picked it up and threw it at the wall, smiling as it shattered into millions of pieces. The light reflected off of the pieces scattered around the room, like diamonds in the sun. Edward gaped at me in horror, as if I had the blood of a million innocents on my hands.

"You, you broke my favourite glass," he said accusingly.

Though he made no move to pick them up, he stared at the pieces of glass on the floor. His hands trembled as he rubbed them over his face and through his hair, tugging at the roots of the copper coloured strands.

"It's just a glass, Edward," I snapped before storming out of the room to find a broom.

When I came back into the room, broom and dustpan in hand, Edward was kneeling next to the remains of the glass. He picked up the largest of the chunks and cradled it in his hands, holding it like one would a lover, cooing to it like one might to an infant.

"My poor baby," he murmured, gently stroking the glass.

I rolled my eyes and dropped to my knees, as far away from Edward as I could manage. Rolling up my sleeves, I picked up the bigger pieces and threw them in the trashcan. Sighing, I swept the smaller pieces into the dustpan and dumped them in with the bigger pieces as Edward continued to talk to the piece of glass in his hand.

Finally, I'd had enough. I dropped the dustpan and broom on the floor and stood up, hands perched at my hips as I glared at him.

"Oh for Pete's sake, Edward, it was just a glass!"

"It wasn't _just_ a glass!" he cried, holding the piece to his chest. "It was my favourite glass." He continued softer. "Everything tasted better in this glass, and you killed it."

"Well, if that damn glass meant so much to you, you can pick up the pieces!" I shouted before storming out of the room, leaving what was left of his beloved glass scattered on the floor.

-o0o-

I gave Edward – and myself – a few days to calm down before approaching him again. Taking deep, calming breaths, I walked down the hall.

He was sitting in his study, staring at the empty spot where the stupid glass once stood with a dejected look on his beautiful face. With a sigh, he shook his head and returned to the piles of work in front of him.

I knocked softly on the open door before stepping into the room. Edward gave me a slight nod to acknowledge my presence but continued with the silent treatment I had received from him since that fateful day.

Rolling my eyes, I thought back to the makeshift funeral we had for the glass. Edward, via his brother, ordered me to attend, to say a few words. So I went, begrudgingly, and said what I had to say, somewhat sarcastically. Edward had thanked me in a quiet voice, and that was the last he said to me. For three weeks, I hadn't gotten so much as a peep from his side.

So I came to apologise.

"Edward," I started, but he continued to ignore me, feigning interest in the work in front of him.

I huffed and blew the hair out of my face, fed up with his attitude.

"If I'm going to do this, the least you can do is look at me." I pulled him away from the desk to face me, grinning at the sound of wood scraping wood.

Edward huffed and stuck out his bottom lip.

"Fine." He crossed his arms and looked at me expectantly.

His brows rose when he noticed that I had my left arm angled so that my hand was hidden partially behind my back.

"What are you hiding?" he asked, trying to act impassive, but I could see right through him.

"My apology," I said, moving my hand from behind my back to give him the box that I held.

Edward gingerly took the box and held his breath as he opened the lid. He looked at the contents of the box, stunned.

"Wha-?"

"I'm sorry," I said, resting my hip against the desk as he took out the replacement glass I'd bought him.

Carefully, he removed the bubble wrap, jumping as a bubble accidentally popped, and set the empty glass on his desk.

"Now you have a new one," I continued, "and you can stop being mad at me about the old one."

Edward stood up slowly and pushed the glass deeper on the desk to prevent it from falling off. He pressed his body against mine and ran his hands up my arms until they rested on my shoulders.

"Thank you, Bella," he whispered before capturing my lips.

My knees buckled and butterflies were running rampant in my stomach as his lips assaulted mine. His hands moved from my shoulders to cup the back of my neck and to finally tangle in my hair. I wrapped my arms around his neck and moved so that I was fully seated on the table.

After a few minutes of lips brushing, teeth nipping, and hands exploring, we broke apart. Panting, Edward rested his forehead against mine, his warm breath blowing against my lips.

"I take it my apology is accepted," I said once I stopped gasping for air.

Edward grinned and pressed his lips to mine for a quick kiss.

"Definitely."

He pulled away and picked up the glass. He ran his finger over the rim as the light glinted off the edges.

"I know you think it's just a stupid glass," Edward said, returning the glass to its spot.

"A stupid, empty glass," I added.

"Yes," he continued, flicking my nose, "but now it's my favourite stupid, empty glass. And it won't stay empty for long."


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: Once again, thanks to PTB for their awesome beta work.**

Challenge Number/Title: #3 – Word Play using summit, tomb, cabbage, king in any order  
Date Posted: 4 February 2013

Fandom: Twilight  
Rating: T  
Genre: AH  
Content Descriptors: Humour  
Character Pairing: Bella/Edward

Bella's puffed breath caused little fog clouds to form in the air. Snow crunched under her feet with every step as she made her way steadily up the mountain, glancing back every few feet.

Behind her, Edward panted with every move, groaning as the ice surrounding his boots chilled his sensitive feet through the thick, woolly socks he had chosen for this expedition.

"Bella," he wheezed, coming to a halt. "How much farther is this place?"

Bella stopped, turned around and took in Edward's handsome pale face, covered green eyes, trembling blue lips and dark red beanie, a shade darker than the hair it covered. With a sigh, she ran her fingers through the tangles in her dark brown hair as she stared up at the mountain.

"Just a little bit farther." She turned and continued her trek up the mountain, leaning heavily on her walking stick.

Edward grumbled under his breath before pushing his lips into a pout. "Why did I agree to this, again?" he asked, wiggling his numb fingers in his gloves before resuming walking behind her.

"Because you love me," Bella said over her shoulder, chuckling softly as she watched him trudge through the snow. "And you're just as curious about this thing as I am."

"Let's get this over with then," he said, coming up to walk next to her.

They walked in silence the rest of the way, stopping every now and then for a drink of water and to rest their aching feet, moving on as soon as the chill started to reach their feet.

Bella had heard about this particular adventure from her friend, Alice, and she thought it best to bring Edward with her. The first time she heard about the tomb of the Cabbage King at the summit of the mountain she couldn't control the giggles she tried to muffle with her hand.

According to Alice, the Cabbage King was buried high up in the mountain so that he could look after all of his cabbage children in death as he had in life. Some legends have proclaimed the he was buried with stacks of cabbage head shaped gold, along with other valuables to keep him satisfied and occupied in the afterlife.

Needless to say, Bella's curiosity was properly stirred and Edward's sense of adventure had them both setting out at dawn to start their trek up the mountain. As they neared the top, breathless and shaky, Bella spotted and opening in the mountain.

She stopped in her tracks, bracing her hands on the cold snow with an 'oomph' as Edward ploughed into her from behind. Bella grabbed the hand he held out for her and shakily regained her balance before pointing to the opening.

"I think that's the place," she said, tugging on Edward's hand to get him moving again.

They made their way cautiously into the cave. Bella stopped at a wall with various paintings on it. With a soft sigh, she traced the slightly faded pictures. She shed her gloves and hat and watched Edward do the same, since the temperature in the cave was much higher than the temperature outside.

"The tomb is this way," she said, pointing to a damp, dark hallway leading away from the entrance.

Fumbling with his bag, Edward pulled out two small flashlights and handed one to Bella before they started down the hallway. They walked for what seemed an eternity before the narrow hallway opened up into a spacious room that smelled like rotten vegetables.

Edward shone his light around the room, pulling a face as the light hit the rotten remains of heads of cabbage littered around the room.

"Well, that explains the smell," Bella said, holding her nose as she inspected her surroundings.

Spotting an ancient lantern mounted to the wall, Bella made her way to it as she pulled matches out of her pocket. After lighting the lantern, as well as a few others she found around the room, she stood next to Edward and surveyed the tomb.

"I can't believe it!" Bella gasped at her surroundings. "We found the tomb of the Cabbage King."

Edward pursed his lips to stop the laughter that wanted to break free, letting out a loud snort and earning him a glare from Bella.

"Yeah," Edward said between chuckles, "and now you can proudly tell everyone that the rumours and legends surrounding this place is one hundred per cent false."

Bella wrinkled her nose as she stared at the rotten heads of cabbage. She nodded and slapped at a few flies that buzzed around her head.

"It was kind of a let-down," she said wistfully. "I was looking forward to a cabbage shaped gold nugget."

With a disappointed sigh, Bella blew out the lanterns and turned her flashlight back on. She motioned for Edward to follow her out of the tomb.

"I guess we should start heading back now."

Edward wrapped his arm around her and let her out of the cave and back into the cold.

Unbeknownst to our two adventures, there lay another room through a small opening in the smelly cabbage room. It would have been a tight squeeze, but they would have been able to make it.

Scattered around the secret tomb were riches that they could only have dreamed of; every legend ever told, lying true around the tomb at the feet of the Cabbage King. Heads of golden cabbages rested in his grubby little hands as he chuckled at yet another pair of restless Adventures that failed to find his treasure.

Foiled by the stench, he thought gleefully as he curled around his treasure. Nobody would ever be brave enough to face the rotten cabbages that covered the real treasure, and that was exactly the way the Cabbage King had planned it.

The treasure would forever lie in a secret tomb of the Cabbage King at the summit of the freezing mountain, untouchable by anyone but the king himself and his loyal cabbage followers.


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: Thank you to the wonderful ladies at PTB for beta-ing this.**

Challenge Number/Title: #4 – Mother's Forgiveness  
Date Posted: 8 February 2013

Fandom: Twilight  
Rating: T  
Genre: Canon  
Content Descriptors: Mild Angst  
Character Pairing: Embry

I winced as the window creaked while I slid it open, berating myself for forgetting to oil the rusty hinges. Ducking my head, I climbed into my empty bedroom, careful of my clothes and school books lying around. I glanced around my room before sliding tiredly into my bed, not even bothering to take off my cut-offs. As I lay my head on my soft, fluffy pillow, the crinkling sound of paper under my head caught my attention.

Annoyed, I shoved my hand under the pillow and pulled out a rumpled note. Smoothing it out against my knee, I squinted as I read the neat handwriting of my mother.

_Wake me when you get home_

_Mom _

_Shit!_ I thought. _Shit, shit, shit!_

I sat up fast and rubbed a weary hand over my face before letting out a disheartened groan and crumpling the note. With slumped shoulders, I got up and glanced at the alarm on my bedside table, grimacing at the mocking glow of the red numbers, tempted to throw it at the wall.

It wasn't the first time I had gotten home after 2 a.m.; it wasn't even the first time I had gotten in trouble for it, but somehow sneaking around tonight made me feel immensely guilty, even if the sneaking out was for the good of the tribe.

The sneaking around started when I first phased and found out that all the legends of our tribe were true. The spirit warriors, the Cullens, everything. Not that I had a problem with the Cullens, the reason I phased in the first place, they seemed nice enough. It was the rest of the vampires that bothered me.

As I trudged down the hallway to my mother's room, crumpled note in hand, I thought back to the first time I had gotten in trouble for sneaking out. Our pack consisted of four: Sam, Jared, Paul and me, and I had just gotten the whole phasing thing under control. Sam had set up a patrolling schedule so that we switched times and partners regularly, and to give him enough time to spend with Emily, his imprint.

That night it was my turn to take the night shift with, to my dismay, Paul. I hated running with Paul, whose head was always filled with all the girls he was going to get and all the girls he'd already got. Not that I was jealous; I had more than enough girls throwing themselves at me. Nothing eventful had happened lately, which we were extremely thankful for, so we just ran the perimeter of the reservation, in silence for a change, until it was time to switch with Sam and Jared.

I opened my window and snuck into my room, much like tonight. Creeping over to my bed, I let out a very manly shriek when I saw my mom sitting on it. She did not look impressed. Her arms were crossed, her forehead creased and eyebrows raised as she looked at me expectantly.

I sighed and dropped my head guiltily, knowing that if I looked her in the eyes the truth would start spilling out of me. Shuffling my feet, I glanced around my room, noticing the usual mess.

My mom cleared her throat. "Are you going to tell me where you were?"

I shook my head, still avoiding eye contact.

Sighing, she uncrossed her arms. "Embry, this isn't like you."

She patted the spot next to her and I sat down, hunching my shoulders.

"Honey, if you need to go somewhere, you can ask me. I won't always say yes, especially not if it's at all hours of the night, but at least then I'll know where you are."

She continued to tell me how much trust meant to her and how important trust is in a relationship. I sighed and nodded as she continued her guilt trip.

Knowing full well that the council had forbidden us to tell anyone outside of the pack and their imprints about us, I was very tempted to tell my mom. She wouldn't have believed me, or maybe she would have, but I couldn't take that chance.

I felt terrible for adding to the stress that my mom already had to endure. The gossip about no one knowing who my father was was giving her a hard time. I couldn't add to that pile by dropping a big, supernatural bomb on her, though she was probably going to hear the rumours about Sam and his gang being a bunch of drug dealers pretty soon.

Her concern touched my heart and made me feel loved, and knowing that she cared so much about me made me want to do everything I could to keep her out of danger, even if it meant lying to her and sneaking out. No bloodsucker was ever going to lay a hand on my family, even if I had to fight to my last breath.

My mother took my face in her hands, frowning when she came in contact with my over-heated skin. Her dark brown eyes were filled with concern as she looked at me.

"You can talk to me, you know," she said, the corners of her lips tugging into a smile.

I sighed and covered her hands with mine. "I know, Mom."

She wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled me into a hug, wiping away all of my problems and worries like only a mother can. Pulling away, she patted my cheek and got up.

"By the way, you're grounded for a week."

After that, she left me with a warning, a smile and a kiss on the forehead before going to her room.

Coming out of my thoughts, I stopped at the door to my mother's bedroom and paused before knocking softly. My mother's tired voice told me to enter.

Bracing myself, I took a deep breath_. This is it_, I thought and pushed the door open, not in the least ready to face my mother's wrath.

I crossed my fingers, hoping that my mom would forgive me, even though she doesn't really know why I keep sneaking out.


	5. Chapter 5

**AN: Thank you to the wonderful ladies at PTB for beta-ing this.**

Challenge Number/Title: #5 – The Limerick  
Date Posted: 20 February 2013

Fandom: Twilight  
Rating: T  
Genre: AH  
Content Descriptors: Romance  
Character Pairing: Edward/Bella

The class whispered in distress as Professor Bella Swan told them their newest assignment for her Creative Writing class. Bella arched her brow, and the terrified class simmered down. Just then she saw a hand shoot up and groaned.

"Miss Swan…"

Bella looked at Edward Cullen, her least favourite student, and tried her best not to pull a face. His bronze hair was standing in its usual disarray, his emerald eyes were squinted, and his brows pulled together as he stared at her.

He always had something to say about every single assignment she had assigned them. It was starting to get on her nerves. She sighed and squared her shoulders.

"Yes, Mr Cullen, what is it this time?"

He ran a hand through his hair. "When do you want us to hand it in?"

Bella's jaw dropped, her mouth opened and closed a few times before she could answer him. "Friday of next week."

On that note, she dismissed her class.

-o0o-

"Miss Swan?"

Edward stuck his head around Bella's office door after knocking softly.

"Come in, Mr Cullen," she said, impatiently gesturing at the chair in front of her desk.

Bella shuffled the papers on her desk as she looked for one in particular. When she found it, she held it up with a triumphant 'hah!' before composing herself once more.

Meanwhile, Edward had been sitting quietly, staring at Bella in fascination. To him, she had always seemed so neat and organised, and she was, but he could tell that something was bothering her. And he was pretty sure he knew what it was.

Bella slid the paper towards him, fixing a glare at him that looked out of place on her usually smiling face.

"Care to explain this, Mr Cullen?" She crossed her arms over her ample chest; Edward's breath hitched as he caught a glimpse of the smooth, pale flesh of her breasts.

"It-it's my assignment," he stuttered. "I did exactly as you asked."

He ran a hand through his already messy hair, causing it to stick out in every direction; Edward usually did this when he was nervous. He knew he was taking a big risk when he handed in his assignment, which was a limerick.

"Would you read it, please?" Bella asked, still glaring at the squirming boy – no, man.

Edward cleared his throat and picked up the page, only using it for show since he knew exactly what he had written.

"There once was a lady named Swan.  
Who made my heart speed up before class begun.  
But she ignored me,  
Couldn't see what we could be.  
And left me with my heart on the run."

"Now, Mr Cullen," Bella said, keeping her tone even as she snatched the paper back, "would you care to explain to me the meaning of this?"

Edward took a deep breath. "Well, Miss Swan, I think the limerick speaks for itself."

Bella's brows knitted together as she studied him. Edward ran a nervous hand through his hair as he tried to figure out the look in her eyes.

After a few minutes, when she still hadn't said anything, he continued. "It means I want you, Miss Swan."

Bella stared at him with her mouth agape as he moved to run his hand through his hair, but he caught himself and detoured to scratch his ear. With eyes wide, Bella opened and closed her mouth, trying to think of the correct way to handle this situation.

"Mr Cullen," she said, finally, "this is highly inappropriate."

Edward flinched at her professional tone, shoulders hunching as his worst fears came true—rejection.

"However," Bella continued and Edward perked up, "it was a very sweet sentiment, one that I appreciate immensely, but one that I can't act on."

"Do you?"

Bella frowned. "Do I what?"

"Do you want to act on it?" Edward looked at her expectantly, although he was trying not to get his hopes up.

"Yes, I do," she said as her eyes travelled over his face, shoulders, and chest.

Edward perked up, but his shoulders sagged when he looked at her face.

"But it's not going to happen, is it?"

"No, it's not."

Edward sighed and nodded his head. "I understand, Miss Swan."

Bella nodded and waited for him to end their conversation and leave. When he got to the door, he turned to face her once more.

"Can I just ask you one favour?"

Bella frowned but nodded.

"Can I kiss you?"

Bella stared at him with wide eyes before whispering 'yes'. Before she could properly get out of her seat, Edward was standing next to her. He tucked her hair behind her ear before burying his hand in her thick, chocolate locks. His lips hovered near hers, so close that he could feel her breath on his face.

Leaning down, he captured her lips. They were soft and sweet and opened at his insistence, drowning him in her flavour. His hand stroked from her hip up her side and down again. He moved it up and cupped the back of her neck, his thumb resting on the hollow of her throat.

Edward stroked the soft skin of her neck as he pulled her plump bottom lip between his teeth, earning a soft whimper from Bella.

Bella's hands, which were hanging limply by her side, grabbed onto his arms, and dug into the sinewy muscles as he devoured her mouth.

A sudden knock on the door had them jumping apart like guilty school children. Edward took in her flushed appearance, feeling very proud at every panting breath she let out. Bella licked her lips and ran a shaky hand through her hair, trying to regain her composure.

"Meet me here at five," she said before brushing past him to open her door.

Edward smiled and nodded a greeting to his fellow classmate who was standing awkwardly in the door way. He subtly brushed his hand over Bella's arm as he exited her office.

"Thank you for your help, Miss Swan," he said, sending her a wicked grin before he left.


	6. Chapter 6

**AN: Once again thanks to PTB for doing an awesome job at beta-ing this.**

Challenge Number/Title: #6 – Inanimate POV  
Date Posted: 14 March 2013

Fandom: Twilight  
Rating: T  
Genre: AH  
Content Descriptors: Humour  
Character Pairing: Edward/Bella's coffee table

Overflowing mugs of coffee, scalding-hot cups of tea, ice cold beverages that left rings on my once glossy surface. Dirty feet, sock covered feet, even naked feet, I had seen them all. It was the life of a coffee table, and nothing fazed me anymore, or so I thought.

It was a cold, winter afternoon. You could see the snow falling softly to the ground if you looked out the window. Two steaming mugs of coffee rested on my back, their owners cuddled happily on the couch. A warm fire was burning in the fireplace, spitting out little crackles every now and then. Though the proximity of the crackles made me nervous, I knew my owners placed me far enough away that no harm would befall me, and no fire would start in their comfy little love nest.

The television above the fireplace was playing one of those old, black and white movies, romantic movies, its volume turned down to serve as background music. My owners spent their time going from watching the movie to whispering sweet nothings in each other's ears and back to watching the movie.

If I had eyes, I would roll them at the cliché going on in front of me.

I sighed and creaked as I settled into my place in front of the fire, suppressing a groan as dirty, sock clad feet rested on my back. My owners were kissing passionately now, the movie forgotten, and I knew from experience that clothes would soon be shed. If I had fingers they would be crossed right now that it didn't happen.

The slurping of their kisses turned to passionate moans and groans and, as I feared, clothes started coming off. Shirts first. For some reason, it's always the shirts first, these people have no originality.

They slid down the couch, the man on top of the woman, heads resting on the armrest. And here we go…

Hands, mouths and teeth were all visible as they went at it on the couch. I didn't envy old Bertha one bit. Bertha's springs squeaked as they moved up and down and she glared at me as if it was my fault, or maybe it was at the amused grin I was sporting.

"You'll get yours someday," she said, groaning again as the couple increased their pace. I'd be rolling my eyes right now, if I had any. _Yeah, definitely the grin._

They rolled off of old Bertha and landed on Henry, the fluffy white carpet, still touching and kissing and what not…

I foresee a lot of carpet burns in their future.

They rolled over and bumped into me, scooting me closer to the fire and sending the mugs crashing to the floor, spilling their contents on Henry. I'm close to panicking as the heat warms me. The flames tried to lick at my legs, whispering softly as they tried to get me to go to them. I tried to pull away, but my legs were blocked by two bodies tangled in the heat of passion. _Great, just great._

My eyes widen as he pulls her up, her legs wrapped around him. I grunt as he lays her on top of me and starts moving. _Consider me officially fazed._ My legs shake as they move back and forth and I shoot Henry an apologetic look as I rub against him, my feet warming from the friction.

My feet squeak as they rub through Henry and against the floor. _Poor old Henry, that's definitely going to leave a mark._

As my top wiggles around, I feel bits and pieces of my wood start to come loose under my dull finish._ Which was getting duller by the minute._ One part stuck out, forming the perfect point, and neatly slid under the woman's skin, not even shedding one drop of blood. She cried out and jumped up, her hand flying to her back to see if she could get the stubborn piece of wood out.

I laughed at her antics as the image of a dog chasing its tail ran through my mind.

The man stood with his eyes wide as the woman turned in circles to reach her back. I snickered silently at their dismay. _That'll teach 'em,_ I thought as he finally got her to stand still long enough for him to remove the splinter.

The woman mumbled something under her breath as she shot me glare. I grinned at her, thankful that she couldn't see my face. She pulled me back to my original position, away from the flirtatious flames, before flopping down on the couch with a huff and resting her feet on my back. The man sat next to her and wrapped a blanket around them both. He whispered something in her ear that made her smile and snuggle into him. His feet joined hers and they tangled together on my back.

_Maybe next time, kids,_ I thought as I settled in front of the cosy fire for the night. _Maybe next time._

Finally, all of the commotion was over. They turned the volume of the movie up, just in time to catch the ending, and snuggled into the couch, leaving their mess for another day. The flames went back to quietly flirting with me and licking at Henry's edges, Bertha didn't make so much as a squeak, and Henry lay on the floor, silently glaring at the giant coffee stain on his skin, not even noticing the flames. Jack and Jill, the mugs, lay close to the fire, laughing at the flames trying to burn their ceramic bodies.

The man went back to whispering sweet words to his beloved, and I tried my best not to gag at how ridiculously sweet the picture was that we were making. I glanced at the television screen and chuckled as the couple on the screen mirrored the couple on the couch.

All was as it should be, and I realised that, after today, nothing would faze me anymore.


	7. Chapter 7

**AN: Thanks to the wonderful ladies at PTB for beta-ing this chapter.**

Challenge Number/Title: #7 – Valentine Loos  
Date Posted: 20 March 2013

Fandom: Twilight  
Rating: T  
Genre: AH  
Content Descriptors: Romance/Humour  
Character Pairing: Edward/Bella

"Bella?" Alice knocked on the bathroom door. "Bella, will you please come out?"

"No," I replied, huddling deeper into the corner next to the tub.

"Come on. You'll have to face them sooner or later," Alice said as she rapped on the door again. "You can't stay in there all night."

"Watch me!" I sighed and rested my forehead on my knees, wrapping my arms around my legs.

I heard Alice huff and mumble something unintelligible under her breath before her footsteps echoed through the hallway. Breathing a sigh of relief that she was leaving me alone, I got up off of the floor and sat on the edge of the bathtub.

The night was a disaster. It was supposed to be a fun party celebrating Valentine's Day with Alice and the gang, plus a few other friends. Instead, it was a Valentine's Day from hell, which I was spending in the bathroom. And nothing and no one would get me to come out.

The sound of footsteps shuffling down the hall caught my attention, and my ears perked at the voices on the other side of the door. Whoever was there was whispering fiercely, and I crossed my fingers that they would just go away. Unfortunately luck wasn't with me tonight.

"Bella? Please come out," Alice begged, and I had to stifle a giggle as I imagined her trying to use her potent puppy dog eyes on me through the door.

"Alice, for the last time, I am _not_ coming out," I said sternly. "Go have fun with Jasper and let me wallow in peace."

"Oh, for the love of…Bella! Get your ass out of that bathroom or I'm calling in the big guns!" Alice yelled and stomped her feet.

"Alice, I said no."

I heard Alice huff. "Fine, I give up."

She stormed off and I celebrated my little success by doing a little butt wiggle and fell in the tub.

_Great…this is just great._ I rested my head against the edge of the tub and blew a strand of hair out of my eyes. As if it wasn't bad enough that I found out my boyfriend was cheating on me a week before Valentine's Day, he showed up at Alice's party with her – uninvited I might add.

A soft knock interrupted my thoughts.

"Alice, I told you I'm not—"

"It's Edward."

So that was what she meant by "bringing in the big guns." _Low blow, Alice. Low blow._

"Edward, I'm not coming out."

"I know," he said quietly. "Will you let me in?"

I sighed and climbed out of the bathtub, grunting as I stretched my back to get rid of the ache caused by the uncomfortable position I was in. Unlocking the door, I opened it slowly and peeked around the corners, making sure no one else was with him, before pulling Edward into the bathroom. I locked it quickly and slid down the door.

Edward looked at me with raised eyebrows before sliding down next to me.

"Wanna talk about it?" he asked as I let my head fall back against the door.

"Not really." I sighed and watched him get comfortable against the door.

The music from the party floated through the walls and floor, filling the bathroom with the soothing sounds of the slow song that was playing. Edward glanced at me and nudged me with his shoulder.

"Would you like to dance?"

I raised an eyebrow at him and shrugged. "Sure."

He stood up and held out his hand. It was softer than I expected when I took it, and he pulled me up. His hands settled on my hips as I wrapped my arms around his neck, my fingers playing with his soft hair.

"He's an idiot, you know," Edward said as we swayed to the music.

"Who?"

"Mike."

"Yeah," I said with a sigh.

I laid my head on his shoulder as he pulled me closer and rested his cheek on my hair. We stayed like that even after the beat of the music had changed. Slowly, Edward lifted his head and pressed a soft kiss to my forehead as he pulled away.

"Are you sure you don't want to brave the big, bad party?" Edward asked jokingly, his hands still on my hips.

"I'm sure," I told him. "It's a lot more fun in here than it will ever be out there."

There was a hard rap on the door that had us jumping apart like guilty children, followed by Emmett's booming voice.

"Edward, we sent you to get her out of the bathroom, not to have you join her in the bathroom."

Edward rolled his eyes as I giggled. "You're just jealous that we're having a party in the bathroom and you weren't invited."

"You're having a party without me? I'm wounded," Emmett said as someone laughed next to him.

"If you get us some snacks, we might consider letting you join us," I told him as my stomach rumbled quietly.

"Gross," Rosalie said as she walked in after Emmett.

"Ew, that is so unsanitary," Alice said as she leaned against the door.

A few minutes later, Emmett pounded on the door and I let Edward open it for him.

"I bring spoils for her majesty," Emmett said as he stood in the doorway and displayed the chips and drinks.

Rosalie pushed past him and sat next to me on the edge of the tub.

"Don't forget to lock the door," I reminded Edward as Emmett plopped down on the floor.

"Hey!" Alice yelled as Edward went to close the door. "What about us?"

Edward smirked and started to close the door in her face before pulling it open and holding it for her and Jasper.

"That was not funny, Edward," she said with a huff and pulled Jasper in behind her.

We laughed at her annoyed expression, and Emmett passed the bags of chips around.

Edward locked the door and unlocked it again; he groaned as he jiggled the handle and the door wouldn't open.

"I think we're stuck," he said, leaving the door and sitting down next to Emmett.

"Now _this_ is a party," Emmett said as he shoved a handful of chips into his mouth.


	8. Chapter 8

**AN: Thanks to the wonderful ladies at PTB for beta'ing this.**

Challenge Number/Title: #8 – Talk My Ear Off  
Date Posted: 20 April 2013

Fandom: Twilight  
Rating: T  
Genre: AH  
Content Descriptors: Humour  
Character Pairing: Alice/Bella

The door of the coffee shop swung open and Alice bounced in. She instantly caught sight of me and made her way over to our favourite table where I was waiting for her.

"Oh my goodness, traffic was a nightmare," she said as she slid onto the chair.

"I heard there was an accident."

"It looked like a head on collision. Luckily no one was too badly injured." Alice fluffed her short black hair before scanning the menu.

"What will it be, ladies?" the handsome waiter asked, his pencil poised and ready.

"I'll have the Iced Skinny Cinnamon Dolce Latte and a Reduced-Fat Cinnamon Swirl Coffee Cake." Alice said, "Ooh, and a Double Chocolate Brownie."

"And for you, miss?" he asked after writing Alice's order on his notepad, not even batting an eyelash at the amount of food she ordered.

"I'll have an Iced Coffee with Milk and a Cheese Danish," I said, handing him the menus with a smile.

"I hope he hurries up," Alice said with a groan. "I'm starving."

"Alice, you're always starving." I rolled my eyes as she shrugged.

"That's true. Anyway, have I told you about the new intern at the magazine?"

I shook my head and leaned back in my seat as I waited for her to continue.

"O.M.G., Bella, he is totally gorgeous!" Alice squealed. "And he is totally your type."

"Alice, if he works at a fashion magazine and is as gorgeous as you say he is, don't you think there's a slight possibility that he might be…you know…"

"He might be what? Single?"

I rolled my eyes.

"Gay, Alice. He might be gay."

Alice laughed, her eyes sparkling with humour. "Oh no, he is definitely not gay."

"And how would you know that?"

"I asked him," she said as our coffees arrived.

"You asked him?" I asked slowly, amazed at my best friend's–for lack of a better term–balls.

"Yes, and he was very happy that I did and not just automatically assumed that he is gay."

Alice took a sip of her drink and hummed in appreciation. "Oh, you should have seen Jake's face when he found out that Edward isn't gay."

"Edward? Is that the new intern?" I asked with furrowed brows.

Alice nodded. "Poor Jake was heartbroken…it's quite sad actually."

"Yeah, very sad." I played with my napkin, trying to seem indifferent. "So how does he look?"

"Bella, you know what Jake looks like."

I rolled my eyes and huffed. "Not him. Edward, what does _he_ look like? Are you going to make me beg?"

Alice pursed her lips and tapped her chin. Slowly her lips quirked into a smile. "Nope, but it's a thought."

I pulled a face at her and crossed my arms.

"Okay, he has this really weird auburn-ish hair that most women would kill to have. Green eyes, not emerald though, more like a mossy green. He's taller than me—"

"Everybody's taller than you, Alice."

Alice glared at me but continued. "He's a lot taller than me, about six foot four if I had to guess…Anyway, he's skinny but you can see some muscle definition going on under his clothes." She sighed dramatically and batted her eyes at me. "I'm telling you, Bella. You'll love him."

"I seem to recall you saying the same thing about Sam…and Tyler…and Mike," I reminded her, counting the names on my fingers. "So excuse me for not trusting your judgement on this."

"Well, that's too bad," Alice said, leaning back in her seat and examining her nails, "because I invited him to join us."

"What?!"

"Oh look, there he is." Alice sat up straight and waved at someone near the entrance. "Hey, Edward."

I caught sight of a head of bronze hair heading our way and slowly slid down in my seat and under the table.

Alice stood and gave her friend a hug.

"Hey, Edward, I want you to meet my BFF, Bella." She gestured at the table and frowned. "Bella, what are you doing under the table?"

I mumbled something under my breath that was sure to make Alice's eyebrow quirk.

"Never mind. Come up and meet Edward."

I huffed and got up, my face flaming as I met his amused eyes.

"Hi," I mumbled, staring at the floor.

When Edward didn't say anything, I chanced a look at his face then glared at his cheeky grin.

"Are you sure he's not gay?" I turned to Alice and motioned at Edward. "Because no heterosexual guy I know is that fashionable."

Alice giggled as Edward snorted.

"I told you to dress down, Edward," she said through her giggles.

Edward shrugged, and his face flushed a bright crimson. "My sister picked it out." He turned to me. "And no, I am most certainly not gay. Not that I have anything against those who are," he added quickly at my raised brows.

"Right," Alice said, drawing out the word. "Let's eat." And with that she dug into her brownie as Edward sat next to me, gaping at her.

"Does she always eat like that?" His whisper was filled with awe.

"Yes, all the time. I don't know where she puts it."

The waiter swung by and Edward ordered a coffee, adding a wink when the waiter openly ogled him. I dug my teeth into my lip to stop the giggles threatening to escape.

"You're getting his hopes up," I told Edward after he got his coffee and gave the waiter a sexy smile.

"I don't know what you're talking about," he said, taking a sip of his scalding hot black coffee.

I pulled a face and studied his features. He really was as handsome as Alice had described him. I might have to start believing in her fairy magic again.

"Let me guess, you don't like black coffee," Edward said as he saw the look of disgust on my face.

I shuddered, and he let out a laugh that made me shiver in delight.

"I'll take that as a no."

"If you want to know what else Bella doesn't like you should ask her out," Alice piped up.

I take back what I said about that evil little fairy.


	9. Chapter 9

**AN: Thanks to the wonderful people at PTB for beta'ing this chapter and, as always, I don't own Twilight.**

Challenge Number/Title: #9 – Finish it With…  
Date Posted: 26 April 2013

Fandom: Twilight  
Rating: T  
Genre: AH  
Content Descriptors:  
Character Pairing: Bella/Edward

Bella clutched her stomach as the boat floated on the ocean, bobbing with the waves. She stared out at the vast expanse of water that glittered in the morning sunlight. In the distance, a fish broke the smooth surface as it jumped into the air, causing a big splash as it came back down.

"Edward, are you sure about this?" she asked worriedly as she pulled her arms tighter around herself.

Edward glanced at her from his post behind the wheel, the wind whipping his copper locks around his gorgeous face.

"We've talked about this, Bella," he said, putting the boat into park before lowering the anchor. "Just give it a try, and if you don't like it, you can get out."

Bella gazed at him sceptically before turning her eyes back to the water. Fear clawed at her throat as she spotted a dull grey fin slicing through its smooth surface towards their boat. Her heart pounded in her chest as it circled them a few times. She glanced at Edward and narrowed her eyes to a glare as he chuckled at her obvious distress. With a huff, she pulled her knees up and hugged them to her chest.

Edward sighed and sat down next to her, resting his arm on her shoulders. He wrapped her dark brown ponytail around his hand and gave it a light yank, earning himself a look of disdain.

"What is our motto?" he asked softly as he moved his hand to the back of her neck and rubbed the tense muscle with his thumb.

"You only live once," she whispered, "but what if something goes wrong?" Bella dropped her legs and turned in her seat to fully face him.

"Bella, nothing is going to go wrong," Edward said soothingly.

"No? What if a shark bites the cage? Or bumps the boat? What if it's small enough to get through the bars and into the cage? I've seen National Geographic, Edward. I know what sharks can do!"

Bella jumped up and away from him, whirling around to face him as she finished her rant. Edward ran a hand through his windswept hair and stood up. He wrapped Bella in his arms and hugged her to his chest.

"Baby, you know those are worst case scenarios," he said as he stroked her hair.

"I know," she said, her sigh muffled against his chest. "I just don't want anything bad to happen to us."

Edward pressed his lips to her hair before pulling away, tipping her chin up to force her to meet his eyes.

"Everything will be okay." He leaned down and pressed his lips firmly to hers. With a sigh, Edward pulled back, brushed a soft kiss to her brow and left to put on his wetsuit.

Bella dug her teeth into her trembling bottom lip as she zipped up Edward's suit. She turned around and drew her hair into a loose bun, trying not to flinch as the teeth of the zipper met.

They woke Rosalie and Emmett from their nap, informing them that they were ready to go in the water.

-o0o-

Bella took slow, deep breaths as the cage was lowered into the water. She gulped as it bobbed around innocently, the top gaping open invitingly. Giving one last glance at Edward, she snapped her goggles over her eyes and jumped into the cage.

The water engulfed her, cooling her overheated body. She flinched as the cage door swung shut, sending vibrations through the water.

Bella gaped in awe at the sights before her. The water was a clear blue and the fish swimming around sparkled. She stifled a gasp as she saw a gigantic shark swim through the fish. Bella was very impressed that the fish didn't panic and swim away like they did in every animated fish movie she had ever seen.

Fish are friends, not food, she thought to herself and giggled, the bubbles temporarily blocking her vision.

Suddenly the shark was right in front of her. It swam around the cage, bumping it with its nose before biting one of the steel bars. Bella's eyes widened at the rows and rows of razor sharp teeth on display before her and moved back, trying to make herself as small as possible.

Her eyes followed the shark as it gave up on trying to gnaw through the bar and gave the cage another nudge. Behind the shark, a big blob was fast approaching them.

Holy shit, Bella thought, as an even bigger shark joined the party.

It bumped the smaller shark before bumping the cage. Thankfully, it didn't try to take a bite out of the cage like the other one did. The shark bumped his friend again, swam around the cage and took off in the other direction. Bella gave a sigh of relief as she watched the lazy motion of their fins while they swam away.

She looked up as the cage door was opened and swam up to meet Edward. Her heart was pounding as he helped her into the boat. Edward wrapped his arms around her, not bothered in the slightest that he was getting wet.

Bella smiled, gave him a peck on the lips and pulled away to let Emmett help her with her scuba tank.

"That was so scary," she said, once she was out of her wetsuit and back in Edward's arms.

"But worth it, right?" he asked, smoothing down her hair.

"Definitely worth it."

Bella leaned back and snuggled into his chest as the boat sped back to the dock with Emmett and his pirate captain's hat at the wheel.

"Tomorrow, it's your turn," she said, smiling at the horror-struck look on Edward's face.

She kissed his jaw and buried her face into the crook of his neck.

"It's not so nice when you're the one who has to go down with the man-eaters, is it?" Bella mumbled against his skin.

"No, I guess it's not," he said and held her tighter.


	10. Chapter 10

**AN: Thanks to the wonderful ladies as PTB for beta'ing this chapter.**

Challenge Number/Title: #10 – Rule Me Out  
Date Posted: 30 April 2013

Fandom: Twilight  
Rating: M  
Genre: AH  
Content Descriptors: BDSM (Kind of)  
Character Pairing: Rosalie/Emmett

The door to Rosalie's classroom flew open while she was in the middle of her lecture on the Civil War. She eyed the tardy student disapprovingly as he sauntered over to his desk.

"It's so nice of you to join us, Mr McCarty," she said as he smirked and high-fived his friends before sliding in his seat.

"Always a pleasure, ma'am." He tipped his head like he was wearing a hat.

She rolled her eyes and glared at him. "Mr McCarty, see me after class."

At the end of the class, Emmett lingered behind as he waited for a student to finish asking a question. He leaned on the desk as the girl left the room and turned his dimpled smile, which could melt even the coldest heart, on his teacher.

"You wanted to see me, Miss Hale," he said, innocently batting his eyes.

"This is the fourth time this week that you have been late for my class," she said, straightening up to her full height, which made her eye to eye with him. "That is unacceptable. As your punishment, you will come to my house on Saturday and we will deal with this."

He opened his mouth to argue, but she held up her hand to stop him.

"Or I could call your parents."

His mouth snapped shut and he nodded. "See you Saturday, Miss Hale."

-o0o-

Emmett paced in front of Rosalie's house as he tried to gather enough nerve to knock on her door. He had no idea what she had planned as his punishment, but seeing as it was to be delivered at her house it couldn't be good. With a final nod, he cracked his fingers and knocked loudly on the door.

Rosalie opened the door wearing a short black dress and her favourite heels, her hair tied to the side with ribbons. Emmett's jaw dropped at the sight of his history teacher. He knew that she was hot, he just never knew how hot…until now. He gulped as his eyes travelled from her legs, over her curves, and stopped at her face.

"Tut, tut, Mr McCarty," she said, shaking her head. "Late again I see. Come in."

She crooked her finger at him and he followed her into her house.

"Sit," she ordered, pointing at the plush, white sofa.

Rosalie smiled when he obeyed. "So you do know how to follow orders. Huh, didn't know you had it in you." Bending forward, she snapped her fingers in front of his face. "You have been a bad, bad boy, Mr McCarty. And do you know what happens to bad boys?"

Emmett shook his head, his eyes trained on her beautiful face.

"They get punished."

She pulled him up by his collar and dragged him to her bedroom. He was so stunned that he didn't put up a fight, even when she pushed him onto his knees in front of the bed. Slowly, she pulled the ribbons out of her hair and wrapped one around his wrist, tying it to the bedpost. She did the same with his other hand. When she was done, she stood behind him and surveyed her handiwork.

Cocking her head to the side, Rosalie's eyes travelled over his kneeling form. She pursed her lips in thought and narrowed her eyes. Opening her special closet, she grinned when she found her trusty, wooden ruler.

On the bed, Emmett was trying to move his head to see what was going on. The silence in the room was making him nervous…and a little excited. He groaned when he felt a cool hand stroking his hair and neck. Suddenly, the hand was gone from his head and he felt it sneaking into his pants. Emmett buried his head in the bed covers as he felt his jeans being unbuttoned and the zipper lowered.

Rosalie smirked as her student stiffened when the cold air hit his naked behind. She trailed the ruler lightly over his skin before letting it smack against him, leaving a faint red line.

Emmett squeaked as he felt the sting of the ruler. He tugged at his hands to free them, without success.

"Uh uh uh, not a sound, Mr McCarty," she said, bringing the ruler down again, slightly harder. "You're always late."

Smack.

"You never do your homework."

Smack.

"You talk during my class."

Smack.

"You're disrespectful. And…"

Smack.

"You're constantly texting."

Smack. Smack.

She pulled the ruler back and gave him another hard smack for good measure.

Emmett held his breath as he waited for the sting of another hit and breathed out in relief when he felt nothing.

"Have you learned your lesson, Mr McCarty?" Rosalie asked as she put the ruler back in her closet.

"Yes, ma'am," he said, his voice muffled by the sheets.

"Good." Rosalie kneeled next to him and caressed his heated flesh before carefully pulling his pants up. She paused when she brushed against the bulge in his jeans and leaned forward.

"Did you like that?" she asked, her breath tickling his ear. "Did you like being dominated by a woman?" Her hand wrapped around him and squeezed. "Answer me!"

Emmett groaned and pushed his hips into her hand. "Yes."

"I'll make you a deal," she whispered. "If you're a good boy, you'll be rewarded." She nipped at his earlobe. "And if you're a bad boy, you'll be punished. Agreed?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"Good, now hold still."

Rosalie stood and untied his hands. She squealed as he turned around and pulled her to the floor. He buried his head in her neck and sucked on the soft skin. She gasped as he bit down and wiggled underneath him.

"That wasn't very nice, Miss Hale," he murmured, kissing under her jaw. He stopped inches from her lips. "But you have made your point."

Her hands buried in his hair as their lips met and soon their moans filled the room. Emmett pulled back and tugged her bottom lip between his teeth.

"Does this count as good behaviour or bad?"


End file.
